All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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