Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
