I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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