Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
