I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
