I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize