i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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