shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
