Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
