After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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