I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
