from now on my penis is your penis
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
