i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize