I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
