So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was confusing and full of hummus
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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