being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
