I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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