is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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