so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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