my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
