Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
