I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
