I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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