I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
