Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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