I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
