miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
