Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
