An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
