I just saw a hot homeless man
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
