are you so shy because you have an std?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
