I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
