her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
