It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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