3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
