sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
