Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
