Tell her she can't have a vagina
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize