you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
