I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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