We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
