Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
