I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
