Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
