I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize