if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
