I faked an abortion last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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