Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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