You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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