Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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