She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Be still, my beating vagina.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
