I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
