He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
