just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
