You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
