boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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