You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
