I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
