dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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