The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize