I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
