Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
