I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
