I hope mine doesn't look like that
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
