Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
