found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
