omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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