Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
