the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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