He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
