i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize