I wish I only lived at night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
