Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So much rum. So many feels.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
