i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
