This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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