You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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