i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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