Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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