Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize