I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
