i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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